No offense to people located in "The Sunshine State" but Florida has issues man! Some...no, most of the people are not that bright. Mainly the people that run this beautiful state full of beach bodies and retired old dudes who want to look at the beach bodies. Florida is a no fault, at your own risk, you got screwed and it sucks to be you state! Here are just a few examples:
1. Car accident: Another driver smashes your ride. No problem, his insurance will cover everything. Wrong! No homie, YOUR insurance has to cover it. Florida is a no fault state. WTF? Then what was the point of calling that hot officer to write the other driver a citation?
2. Suing for the above accident: Hi, this is Karen from Ambulance Chasers Law Offices. I regret to inform that we could not help you with your case. Next time, please try to lose an arm or leg in your accident so we can further assist you. Have a great day!
3. Drivers: Hahaha, next!
4. Old pervs: I'm just heartbroken that you're not gonna be around anymore. I'll miss watching you check your mailbox sweetie pie. Yea, old dude actually said that to me!
5. Orange County Library System sent me to collections for $11.47! Excuse me for wanting to read and returning my books a few days late! It's $11.47, bite me! Funny thing is my friend Ash's books are beyond 6 months over due! Go find her...I'll give you her new address for a nominal fee of $11.47!
6. Home owner's insurance. A must have but how do you get it? You are told you have to have insurance because of hurricane damage but the insurance company does not want to insure your home in fear of hurricane damage. Am I missing something here?
7. Neighborhood Dog Poo Watch (NDPW) - We mean business, we are on the look out for Poop-n-Dashers! Some trashbag teen is walking her puppy who's poor name is Mocha Latte, Mocha poops and trashbag teen keeps it moving leaving turds on your sidewalk. 10 minutes later NDPW knocks on your door and issues you a fine for not picking up your dog's poo. Dude, I don't even have a dog!
(Note to self: splash trashbag teen next time you drive by her on a rainy day)
8. School bus stops: Why does it take so long? Kids get on bus, sit, bus moves. What's the problem?! The problem is the parents want to chat up the bus driver like they are besties or talk about how little Jessica is too good to sit next to dirty Billy. Then their flippin kids don't know how to shut up and sit down. Look Mommy Dearest, stop talking to the bus driver, they don't care. They have real friends. What you should be doing is yelling through the window at your spawn so they will sit down! Hello, there are piles of cars waiting for the bus to move so we can get to work, or school...or be first in line at the Guess store for the special 1 day only sale! (Okay sorry, was in my own little Guess world for a minute)
9. College transfer credit: Out of state transfer credits? Yea, good luck with that.
10. Oranges: Ok, by Florida standard it's been cold. Anything below 60 is cold for us. After all, we are the beach body, shorts & flip flop state. Anyway it's been cold lately. But if I hear one more beep followed by a freeze warning flashing across the bottom of my tv, I'm going to lose it! I mean flip out, Linda Blair Exorcist kind of lose it! Dude, I don't give a rat's @ss about Florida's precious oranges! OMG, the oranges are gonna freeze, what are we gonna do? Make a flippin orange icey. I don't know, I don't care. All the other crap going on in Orlando and the rest of the world and this is our local news flash? For the love of mankind, just order some of Cali's oranges if it's that serious. Me...I don't like oranges!
Okay, rant over. Have a fabulous night lovely people.
PS. I flippin LOVE Florida hahaha
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