She Didn't Abandon Her Kids
About two years ago, my friend was having financial trouble up north. She was laid off, on unemployment and unable to secure a decent job. She went through her entire savings and borrowed as much as she could from family, her fiance and friends. Her utilities were disconnected and eventually she was evicted from her apartment. On top of all of that she has three kids.To better the life of her kids and herself she moved to Tampa, FL where she could stay with her aunt rent free until she got on her feet. Her aunt lives in a small one bedroom apartment, therefore my friend would be sleeping on the sofa. Having no room and no way to afford child care while she worked, she sent the kids to stay with their father in CA. He agreed to keep them until she was ready for them to live with her again but they ended up staying at his mother's house.
She got a job after two weeks and sent money for the girls care each week. Two months later she moved with a friend into a 3 bedroom apartment. So she contacted her ex to arrange the pickup of the girls. You'd think this is where the happy ending comes but nope! Her ex was loving the money she was sending for the kids and wanted that to continue. He found out from a friend that he could possibly get more by making his custody official. He went to court to sue her for full custody. Well, if you know anything about custody hearings, you know that until the court renders a decision it's often ordered that the children reside in the state in which the case was filed. The court requested that she prove that she had adequate income, sufficient housing for the kids and would be the best parent for them to live with.
So she went back to Tampa, found a better job and began saving up. Now instead of voluntarily sending money from each check, it was automatically deducted from payroll. All she ever purchased for herself was soap, shampoo and other essentials as well as work attire. She signed a lease for a great four bedroom townhouse and slept on a $20 Walmart airbed for months until she was finished buying items for the kids rooms. She did it all on her own. She had to fly coast to coast for mediation, court dates and most importantly to visit her kids.
Her fiance later finished graduate school and moved to Tampa with her. Even though he wanted to have a baby and get married she wouldn't budge. She said they could be engaged but could not set a date. Her main focus was her kids. She called them everyday, worked during the week and alternated weekends with working overtime and visiting the girls. Anywho she regained full custody of her girls five months ago. She being the caring person she is has said she is willing to work out a visitation schedule for the father through the court system. Karma has it that her ex is now having financial issues amongst other things.
The girls have adjusted very well and I can tell they are so happy to be back with their mommy. She and her fiance set the date for a small wedding in September 2009. She messaged me this morning to tell me she found out a few days ago that she's expecting another baby in 7 months.
I asked her why she didn't want another baby or wouldn't set a wedding date before. Her answer: "I am all about my daughters, if they couldn't be there I wasn't getting married. They are my life, how could I go on without my babies? You don't leave your babies and start a new family without them. Good mothers don't do that, selfish females who give birth do! I didn't abandon my kids."
I have to say I was so proud of her fighting so hard for her kids and not putting anything or anyone before her goal. Now I know some may read this and wonder how she could move without them at all. I personally say I couldn't imagine doing that. But we'd have to be in her situation before we knock her down. Think about it, when she ran out of options would it have been better for her to take her kids to live in a shelter or send them with their dad temporarily?
My main reason for writing this was to put focus on the fact that she did not move away and forget about her kids, replace them or settle for being a mom that calls sometimes but is never physically around. She worked hard, tried to get them back right away and ran into an unfortunately long legal battle. But she never lost sight of what her priorities were. She didn't party, go to salons, shop, vacation or pamper herself in any way. And this is a chic who was very used to being glam! She told her fiance he would have to wait to marry her and have a baby. She flew coast to coast every other weekend to see her kids, flights from the east coast to the west can be very expensive. She only missed one visit due to having the flu and another because she couldn't afford the flight.
She and I share a strong belief that until you're doing right by the child or children you already have, you shouldn't have any more. She had three kids she needed to bring home and she was not going to move on in life without them. So now, not only do I love her as a friend, I respect her as a parent. I hope the kids father gets his life together eventually so the kids can have both parents in their lives. For all that she did to have her kids with her, I must say Iris, you're a great mom! See you in September darling, you're going to be a beautiful, glowing, preggo bride!
