1. Calls only to vent about their lives but rarely shows an interest in your life. You used to talk all the time to catch up but now you only get calls when they want to vent about their man or brag about something. Not once in the conversation do they ask or give you a moment to update them about your life. These calls come 1-2 times every few months.
True friends want to know about your life just as much as they want to share theirs with you.
2. Makes remarks about your man because their man messed up big time. Little comments such as "Oh he's not spending the day with you?", "I think he cares about you but he doesn't love you" or "He's probably seeing someone else" usually come up when their man is treating them poorly and/or cheating on them.
Misery loves company! A real friend knows how to place their insecurities or anger with their man and still be supportive when your relationship with your man is going great.
3. Constantly wants to go out and carpool but never offers up any gas money or pays their own bill. They often "forgot" their money and say they will cover you next time or pay you back next week but this rarely happens.
Friends treat each other out sometimes, but if you're always footing the bill you might as well be dating!
4. Email/texts just to ask you to buy Avon or whatever direct selling program they've signed up for. You used to receive funny jokes, email just to say hi, etc. but now it's all about sales. They even hit you up on Facebook or Myspace and add your friends to pitch to them as well. Don't forget about your family, they'll get the sales pitch too! This friend may also rarely the time to visit your home but is suddenly willing and eager to visit if you'll host a sales event in your home and invite all of your friends.
Sometimes people don't realize how shady it seems when 80% of the times you hear from them is when they're trying to get you to purchase something or refer people to them. Sales people and random acquaintances do that, not friends! It's okay to mention your business occasionally but throw in a regular conversation every now and then.
5. Invite you to events and then exclude you later or cancel at the very last minute. Things happen in life so once in a while advance notice of canceling is not always possible but if it happens often it's obvious a pattern is starting and you'll begin turning them down on invites. My cousin was asked to be in a close friends Sweet 16 celebration and was later told she was being replaced for no good reason. Yet her friend still expected her to travel 4 hours to attend the party as a guest and was upset when she did not attend.
If you can give notice do it. Even an hour is better than nothing and having your friend sitting around waiting as time wastes away. Also there's an etiquette to excluding people from a major event. Texting or emailing to exclude someone from your event is tacky and cowardly. Unless they requested that form of communication, you should update them the same way you invited them. Think clearly before you ask someone to be part of your event and if you later exclude them be understanding if they don't attend. After all your poor actions probably hurt them.
6. Expect you to visit them and attend their events yet they don't do the same for you. You go to their holiday parties, kids events, weddings, graduations, etc. Yet they never come to see you and you know money or transportation is not the issue. When they do visit, it's because they had some other reason to come to town and you're a convenient meet up while their waiting to do something else. They may even come to town and not even tell you or attempt to meet up.
Real friends know that friendship is a 2 way street. My best friend Cristina lives in NY and we fly to see each other and stay in touch between visits. We also plan trips together. She puts my FL & GA friends to shame on this lol. My other friends in the northeast and west coast states who have not been able to visit yet have very understandable reasons but plan to visit when finances are better. They make up for it by rolling out the red carpet for me when I visit.
7. Flirt or hit on your significant other or date your ex. Friends should get along with your honey but they should have respect and not cross any lines at the same time.
Friends should not date your previous boyfriend, especially if it was a serious relationship or that person hurt you. At least have the decency to approach your friend to let them know you're interested in an ex to see how they feel about it.
8. Damage your credit or leave you with a huge bill. Sometimes friends are generous when others need help with financing furniture, using transportation or paying for group travel expenses. The shady friend fails to make payments on time or at all but does not alert you to their financial situation. You are stuck with bills in your name, collection calls and bad credit reports.
If you cannot make payments on time give your friend a heads up regarding your financial difficulties and do everything you can to rectify the situation. Don't just avoid the friend that helped you and put their good name and credit on the line for you. It's bad enough messing up your own credit but worse when you mess up that of a friend or family member.
9. Attends every pot luck type of event you host at your home but never brings anything then is the last person to leave yet never offers to help tidy up. This person comes just to eat and drink and will even sit around watching as others help you clean before they leave.
A good friend offers to make or purchase a dish or beverage for your event and/or clean as the party is coming to an end. Exceptions are those who've specifically been told they don't need to bring anything. Or those traveling from out of town as they are already spending money to travel, may be rather tired after a long drive or flight and possibly have to drive or fly home right after the event.
10. Always have ulterior motives. A friend once showed up at my house with her kid unannounced pretending to be in town for a visit but the true motive was to ask me to watch her kid while she went on a date with a guy she was meeting for the first time. She called me because I wasn't home, which she would've known if she simply called before being so self absorbed. Lucky for her I wasn't home to give her a piece of my mind on that shady move. I would've gladly helped her out had she asked in advance.
If you want a favor from a friend just ask! Don't try to sugar coat it to appear like something it is not. That makes you seem like the type that just uses people. Also ask in advance, no one likes to be put on the spot at the last minute.
So if you know someone who does a combination of any of the examples above, you've got a shady friend on your hands. If they do just one or two on occasion they just have shady moments. If you do some of the above, wake up and realize that you may be a shady friend...it's not too late to turn it around and redeem yourself in the eyes of your friends!
Thanks to Lacey and Stephanie for some of these examples. Do you have any examples of shady things friends can do? Feel free to leave a comment.
